For the record, Rayne delivers the heart-wrenching poetry ’round here…but it’s my turn today.

Just wanted to say

Before grabbing my things and leaving

That you used to have some meaning to me

Thankfully, this time, I’m not completely broken

Just wanted to say

Before I board this plane

That I’ll miss what was had

Just like the other times I missed what we could’ve been

Because we’ve done this so many times before

Just wanted to say

Before I move back to the house I grew up in

That I’ve stopped imagining

For the reality of life is too much

Just wanted to say

Before we sleep separately for the first time in years

That I’ll be okay

And I’ll live

Just wanted to say

Before this trial seperation

That I went into it hopeful

But it solidified how alone we feel together

Just wanted to say

Before the ink dries on the paper

That this time we truly tried.

~A.Elaine

 

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Haiku 1: Human Heart

Posted: 05/16/2012 in Matters of the Heart
Tags:

Died a couple deaths

Everyone needs one broken

In order to live

|Hi-Coo|

At Fault

Posted: 05/07/2012 in Matters of the Heart
Tags:

Dear Lord,

I’m so ashamed to come to You with this: I am angry at You. I thought that I was removed from it all but I’m so upset with You.

Forgive me, Father.

Who am I to be so bold, so stupid, to be where I am?

My prayers are being answered; I know this. I’m just…it’s just…oh, Father, my heart, You let it break so badly this time. I hate to admit this, but I haven’t recovered. I haven’t the time to wallow in grief either. I know the score, I know the sacrifice. I cannot say that I didn’t know that I’d be lied to again.

I cannot say that the right words wouldn’t be spoken to make me feel like things would be okay. It destroyed me. And I’d have to acknowledge that I’m still lonely. See, I’d have to acknowledge that I’ve saved those text messages, declaring what changes would be made, but that accountability meant nothing.

I was waiting for the right forum, the right venue, to say so much…and it’s not happening. You have to see it, Lord, You have to see the pain I’m in? And how I’m forcing myself to function?

So…I know that You see how I got myself into this, as well. How I broke the promise, how I helped send it all south. And this…all of this…I deserve. It’s my cross to bear. I did this to myself. I did this to myself. I did do this to myself.

I owe You an apology. God, I’m sorry. Thank You for forgiving me, and reprimanding me. It’s all to make me better…that’s what I’ll believe.

 

*Rayne

Vers la fin

Posted: 05/06/2012 in Matters of the Heart
Tags:

Fuck fairy tales.

Damn television and film

And for every form of print media that subjugates this stupidity

May your ink burst into flames as well

I don’t care.

I

Don’t

Care.

She keeps saying I’m suffering from some form of dissociation

She thinks I’m depressed

She said to me that I’m passive aggressive

I am doing just fine

I’m fine!

I

AM

FINE.

It’s because I no longer get outwardly upset

It’s because I speak when spoken to

Sigh instead of argue

I live on the edge of waiting to hear you say

“Eh, it’s over” again

And this is the state of being

The state of existence we live in

Where we’re dead and incongruent

And we’re

Watching time creep past us knowing that we’re inevitably heading for

Hurling towards

My peace of mind.

My

Peace

Of

Mind.

In time, you’ll understand that I truly forgave you

For all the things you did

And all the things I took in

And you’ll understand that love led to the end.

 

*Rayne

I fit you.

Posted: 05/04/2012 in Uncategorized
Tags:

Where do I begin?

I’m in a state of longing.  I knew things would never be the same, but dang.  This love affair can never end.  I know you at your best…your worst…you’re incapable of being lackadaisical.

Quite frankly, you’re most fanciful.

And, hey there, gentle reader, don’t you dare judge my love letter. Almost every woman could write one to a good pump made of leather. What would my calf muscles look like without a great pair of high heel shoes? Oh, my sweet collection of pairs, I fit you.

With love and admiration,

~A.Elaine

I kind of feel bad

You might believe it’s okay

But it really is not

This was my mistake

I should have asked in advance

If you were for real

Now the time has passed

I’m not a superhero

But you’re the villian

|Hi-Coo|

Rage?

Posted: 04/28/2012 in Matters of the Heart
Tags:

I don’t see it.

I just don’t see it.

My reflection doesn’t show it,

I don’t feel it,

And I haven’t had that frustrated feeling in months

But…

Eek the cat didn’t know his girlfriend was fat

So I could be just as wrong

Who knows?

I can feel it crawling around in my psyche

When I’m going back over things I’ve gone back over before

Or when there’s no eye contact

No warmth in the world

I’m going with the flow

Knowing that, somewhere down the river, it’s cascading

Raging into rapids

Jutting off a cliff

Into a foamy, dangerous, murderous abyss

But I’m not there yet, you know?

I’m not feeling some kind of way

They’re wrong to assume that

Can’t they see me smiling?

I haven’t made a fuss, not one bit!

The belief in fairytales left a long time ago, so I’m not lying to myself

No, not at all, am I lying to myself

My intentions are honest

Cross my fingers  ‘cross my heart…

All I’m trying to say–

What I’m saying is

I am not mad.

~A.Elaine

 

God, it feels GOOD to be back!